xcupcakecomax (xcupcakecomax) wrote in pie_loves_seb,

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Okay.  My sucky Seb/Pie story's done. It's a letter, really.   Read and be gentle.  I can't take many "you suck" comments.  Hehe...^_^v..

Oh, and I give you permission to bash my head in for any errors.

You’re absolutely amazing.  You know that, don’t you?  Of course you do, everyone knows it.  Everyone knows it because you tell them.  You’re so fucking self absorbed in front of our friends and I hated it for the longest time.  I hated how you played our relationship down around everyone, but when we were alone you held me and told me you loved me.  Sure you started to talk about our relationship to a certain few but you’d never touch me in front of others.  I never understood why.  I’d try to take your hand and you’d pull away from me.  I was nothing but a friend to you when we were in public.  I could never figure out why.  Was it that you didn’t want anyone to know you’re gay?  Were you just ashamed to let anyone know it was me you were with?  It wasn’t any of this.  You loved someone else.  I wasn’t good enough for you.

            I saw the way you were with him.  Hell, I’ve caught you with him before.  I never said anything about it because I didn’t want to lose you.  That day’s been locked in my memory ever since.  I guess it wouldn’t have bothered me so much if there hadn’t been exchanged I love yous and if your body wasn’t pressed against his the way you always were with me.  That was the day I broke.  I wasn’t the same with you anymore and it was your fault.  You didn’t know I knew.  Eventually I lost you completely.  You shipped out like I was the Plague and Billy was the cure.  Well, fuck you.  I don’t need you.  At least that’s what I tried to convince myself of.  But I need you like I need oxygen, like I need love.  And not an ounce of you cares.  You tell me that this is all my fault because you weren’t ready to be loved.  How is it my fault when you were the one talking about getting married?  I can’t control who I love, Pierre.  Believe me, If I could it fucking wouldn’t be you.  I’d much rather love someone else then to sit here in the middle of all our photos together, crying.  Photos that you took.  Photos that no one ever saw.  The pictures are fading away now but the memories are not.  I miss you, Pierre.  I miss your arms around me, I miss your lips on mine.  The way you said “I love you, Sebastien” and the way we made love.  It wasn’t love to you.  I was just the one you “fucked.”

            I’m only going to pour my heart out this one time.  I know you’ll only laugh and tell everyone that I never mattered to you so you can get on with your life.  And don’t even think I’m blaming this on Billy…he didn’t know about us.  He does now.  That’s why Billy is the one sitting beside me, holding me, and understanding me.  Your trick backfired, Pie.  For once, I’m not the butt of the joke.


Thanks for nothing.

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